If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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