Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
