Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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