you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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