Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
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Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
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I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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