I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
