I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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