Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
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dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
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For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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