she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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