He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
