There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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