Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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