I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
