It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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