birth control should be required to get into college
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
