Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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