Need sex. Gaining weight.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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