Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
