I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
hell yes lets make some ravioli
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
It's shark week go big or go home
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Randomize
