yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
You smell like stripper and shame
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
