so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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