I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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