how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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