I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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