So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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