I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
