We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Even my vagina gasped.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Success! We fucked roommates!
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
