I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
