we're chasing vodka with high fives
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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