there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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