she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
