I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
