Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
