Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
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