So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Randomize
