the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
