Plan B is the new Plan A
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
