At least make sure they are 18
Why
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
