How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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