so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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