Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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