Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
