im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
