We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
