just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
