I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
