I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
