Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
