if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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