on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
He uses pillows to masturbate.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
