I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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