I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
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