Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
