dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
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Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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