so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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