he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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