shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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