But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
