didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
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