I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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