do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
