well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
