She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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