I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
