Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
