either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
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