I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Drake has all the answers
Randomize
