Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
