I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
