i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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