Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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