I have demons in me.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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