i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
