Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
