If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
