i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize