will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
